The eight worst messaging “strategies” I’ve ever received

One of my family members, the closest thing I have to a sister, turned 18 awhile back and has now joined OkCupid. That got me reminiscing about my experiences, positive and negative, and I started looking back at the screenshots I saved from my time on the site. Continue reading

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The best dates for making a move (for chickensh*t people). Now with gifs!

Pickup artists are always talking about sexual escalation. “Touch her in these seven places so she doesn’t see you as a friend.” …Well.

Despite being seriously messed up, pickup artists have hit on something important: sexual escalation. How do you go from nonchalantly, platonically sharing spaghetti to having your mouths smooshed all over each other’s faces?

Maybe if you give them your last meatball, they’ll kiss you? Is that how it works?

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How to write the essays (and the other bits) for a dating profile

It requires some thought and some tinkering, but you can always change it around or try a new angle. Here are the things you’ve got to have for your profile and how to make them all satisfactory, even if you’re too shy to show your face: Continue reading

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Rejection is a good thing

From a great post about rejection and how if someone doesn't like something, that doesn't mean it's unlikeable

From a great post about rejection and how if someone doesn’t like something, that doesn’t mean it’s unlikeable

Story time: Once upon a time, I had a crush on a guy. But this wasn’t just any crush; he was the first person I ever wanted to disrobe. Continue reading

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Inexperience: blessing or curse?

When someone asked you to dance, you ran away. Or maybe when you asked someone to dance, they ran away. Or maybe everyone around you looked kind of drooly and pimply until recently (that’s fair) and you never bothered. So now you’re in your twenties (or maybe 18 or 19) and you haven’t started dating. You may think you’re the only twenty-two year old who hasn’t kissed someone, or the only twenty-five year old who hasn’t had sex. As it turns out, you aren’t! Continue reading

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How to touch a clitoris! (your own or someone else’s)

There are as many ways to stimulate a clitoris as you can be creative enough to think of- a vibrator, someone’s mouth, a pillow, a penis. This article is about how to touch a clitoris (with a finger) but the same stuff goes for anything that will contact the clitoris.

First of all, what is this clitoris thing? (If you don’t know where the clitoris is, tips for locating it are at the bottom of this post).  Many people confuse the clitoris with its glans (the pea size bobbly thing at the top of the vulva) but the clitoris is much bigger than that! The bobble is just the glans, or head, of the clitoris, and it is only the tip of the iceberg. It may look small, but there’s a lot more going on underneath. The clitoris also has a foreskin (yes, bio-sex females have foreskins!) and two big arms underneath the skin that wrap around either side of the vagina, just like they’re giving the vagina a hug. Awww.

I stole this from here

It’s so big!  (I stole this from here)

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What do women want?

Recently, a friend asked me a familiar question: “What do women want?” First, I laughed for about five minutes. Then I asked him, “What do men want?”

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Safety: how to avoid psycho-killers (and sexists, bots, or just boring people) online

This is a pretty cliche topic, but I’m covering it anyway because it’s important.  Online dating has a major stigma, which it only partially deserves… here’s how to find nice people and avoid meeting people you never agreed to meet.  I’ll break this into three sections: your profile, your messages, and actually meeting someone.

Profile:

Imagine a less-sociopathic, more psychopathic Sherlock Holmes is trying to track you down with just the information on your profile. Will he succeed?

Screen Shot 2014-09-20 at 2.15.38 AM

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How to send an initial message on online dating

First of all, do your best to forget the “girls should wait to be approached” mentality. Alice, moderator of OkCupid, says: “Women who make the first move end up with better-looking and more desirable matches.” So go get ‘em, ladies. You may have already discovered that dating sites are driven by a highly gendered system of approach versus be approached.  It’s a pretty old trope, even for 80’s science fiction:

From Back to the Future, 1985

From Back to the Future, 1985 (click to see big crispy version)

On a dating site, it may just happen… but the results will never be the same as if you had taken the initiative. And many guys say it’s a turn-on if a woman asks them first in real life, too.

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One change can make your profile pictures ten times more attractive

Your pictures are the most important part of your dating profile. They determine whether people even view your page, and they’re the greatest factor in how many messages and replies you get. They even affect how people rate your personality! (OK cupid did a study where they asked people to view pages and rate the subject’s personality. This girl (driftwood pic) who had no text in her profile, apparently has a 99th percentile personality. People are shallow.) Thus, sadly, pictures are the be-all end-all of online dating.

Fortunately, becoming more attractive is not the only way to get better pictures of yourself. And in my experience, most pictures on dating sites are awful, but not because the person is unattractive. It’s because they’re taking and choosing the worst possible pictures of themselves. Continue reading

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